On Creating a Felt Sense of Belonging
On Creating a Felt Sense of Belonging
A Serial Exploration: Part 1
Hey dear readers — every now and again, there’s a framework, concept, or strategy I’m exploring and sharing that doesn’t fit into the “quick, simple strategies” rubric of The Pocket. I still believe maintaining this as a <500 word read is mission-critical for you. So, I’m going to take this longer thread and break it into 3 or 4 parts, with some powerful practices along the way. Thank you for reading!
In May 2020 my wife and I, our three kids and dog moved from L.A. to rural Colorado. It was an inspired and disruptive decision. Since relocating, we’ve moved frequently and have just now settled into our long-term home. We’ve been blessed, and repeatedly uprooted. All of that on a backdrop of the pandemic, (geo)political chaos, recessionary turbulence.
With all the disorientation of these past few years, it has me thinking about “belonging.” Questions have emerged like:
What does “belonging” mean?
Why is it important?
How do you nurture an inner felt sense of belonging, regardless of context, regardless of whether a community surrounds you with a blanket of belonging?
This series will explore how we develop belonging. And since belonging feels different person to person, let’s first get clear about what belonging is to me, from the surface to the deep.
On the tactical, superficial side:
Belonging’s about setting up the right physical systems. For example, in my body and in my space I want daily actions and activities to feel liberated and resolute, with minimal friction or distortion. Exercise, productivity systems, self-care practices. In my ideal day, waking pre-dawn for a 20 minute meditation practice, and after morning with the kids, a strong workout. Later in the day, a walk outside with my dog. Creating a workspace where clarity and purpose prevail. Visioning, project design, and journaling to insure I’m on task with all my projects and responsibilities.
On the deeper side:
Becoming and being a man, a husband, a father, a friend, a coach, a citizen. Becoming these identities in spirit, blood, and action, not just on paper. Living out my values. Creating this thing you’re reading. Helping rising leaders align with their “why”. Getting vulnerable. These are all aspects, values, and outputs of me and my belonging.
A little deeper still:
Growing up, I entrained myself to feel that there wasn’t enough room for me. I was too much, I thought. So I learned to chameleon. I learned to sacrifice parts of myself to fit a narrow context. In my relationships and endeavors, I felt the real me, all of me, the soft and hard parts both, couldn’t coexist, the MBA and the poet, the alpha and the beta, Masculine and Feminine.
As such, belonging is, for me, about creating room in myself and in my life for all of me. It’s inviting the entire parliament of me to the table for a daily convening. And when I’m successful, my context and community both benefit.
A key example: this writing and my coaching practice are full expressions of all of my capabilities, nothing sacrificed, nothing left behind. But even that is a journey and an awareness, not a static fact. Belonging is accepting where we’re at now while also striving for a vision that is real in a potential future.
More to come, but for now: What does belonging mean to you? What part does it play in your ability to be present and to achieve your goals?